Archive | February, 2012

New documentary on Chozrei B’she’ela

28 Feb

I am going through this phase of watching and reading  from ‘chozerei b’sheela’ – with a grain of salt, of course.

Right now I’m finished watching a program that was broadcast on Israeli Tv (I think) ‘chozer b’sheela’  which, interestingly is in English

It was nice to see that the people they interviewed had succeeded in finding themselves and had a positive self-image. The chareidi world, that they had turned their backs on had not destroyed them.

It was also touching to see how the father of the two boys treated them respectfully and had worked to maintain a positive relationship (where was the mother, though??) with them. he is obviously a kiruv rav, which meant that this must have been a very painful challenge for him. He was obviously a man who had some brains and sensitivity, despite being knee-deep in his beliefs.

There was a young man who spoke in Hebrew who had a real light in his eyes. He’d felt so constrained by the world he was in that he felt that if he didn’t leave, he’d commit suicide. Still with one foot in the religious world emotionally and not feeling part of the chiloni world, he felt that his connection with God was still very strong.

There will be more and more people like this leaving the fold. The question is, where do they go to? The secular world isn’t that great, either and has its own fair share of problems. A Godless life is a dead life.

I hope and pray that souls will not get’ lost’, merely get closer to the real God, the God of Truth.


easier said than done

27 Feb

easier said than done.

easier said than done

27 Feb

We all talk about faith and religious people throw phrases like ‘God willing’ or ‘heaven forbid’ as if they were sneezing. But to really, really have faith and to ultimately put everything into God’s hands, now that’s easier said than done.

Logic dictates that we must. God runs the world, God is intimately involved in our lives, God wants us to turn to him and is waiting for our dialogue with him. Then why, oh why is it so hard to believe that the outcome of anything at all is up to God and completely not up to us?

I think I mentioned in a recent post that I am on the verge of very serious decisions about directions in my life. When I asked God last night when, where, how oh help me please I’m directionless, I got a simple answer “What is wrong with you that you don’t trust in Me?’ and I ask myself, indeed, what is wrong.

I ask you God today to give me that inner quietness that knows that You are guiding me, holding my hand and showing me the way. I ask you to give me faith.




The voice within…..

26 Feb

The voice within…..

We are so quick to go running for advice, and there is a time and place for it. But the big decisions in life we have to make for ourselves. This song spoke to me, at a time when decisions need to be made.

I pray to God to give me the strength and quietness and the ‘voice within’ that will guide me.

don’t leave me now….

25 Feb

Just curious to know if anyone talks to God – please answer my poll!

I have had a difficult couple of days. I don’t want to use this blog to discuss personal issues. Indeed, it’s almost irrelevant, the who, the what, the when the where. Everyone has their challenges, and mine are perhaps no more or less than those of others. But I cannot deny that God has given me some very serious challenges, and I cannot, repeat, cannot get through them without His help or guidance, every second, every hour.

There are powers at work to weaken me and undo me, to cause me to question myself, to cause me to scream out in despair and be God forbid sucked into to the powerful tentacles of guilt and anger. I am forced to stand up against those close to me and say “This is not right! Turn away from me, but I will not submit to your lies!” Yes, readers, you still do not know what I am talking about but it doesn’t really matter.

What matters is how I react and how I make my decisions. Decisions must be made and the action has to be a fit and proper response to the evil acts. I thank God for giving me to the ability to reach to him and ask for help, for me not to be caught in the undertow of grief and desperation. God is comforting me and shielding me:

17,14 Heal me, O LORD, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved; for Thou art my praise. 17,15 Behold, they say unto me: ‘Where is the word of the LORD? let it come now.’ 17,16 As for me, I have not hastened from being a shepherd after Thee; neither have I desired the woeful day; Thou knowest it; that which came out of my lips was manifest before Thee. 17,17 Be not a ruin unto me; thou art my refuge in the day of evil. 17,18 Let them be ashamed that persecute me, but let not me be ashamed; let them be dismayed, but let not me be dismayed; bring upon them the day of evil, and destroy them with double destruction. 

Evil twists and manipulates, evil lies, evil shows the smooth cheek of righteousness but the other cheek is pockmarked and decayed. Evil has no basis and no foundation and evil seeks and out and feeds upon good. Evil knows who to turn to and who to use, who to lie to and who to plead mercy to. But goodnesss is the child of God, lighting a candle when the ways are dark, providing solace, comfort and warmth.

God should always guide me.


trembling before God and the Stockholm syndrome

23 Feb

I am in the middle of watching an amazing and thought provoking movie “Trembling before God”. Rabbinic Judaism has no clear answers for homosexuals. I truly feel for these individuals who suffer from depression, isolation and heart wrenching guilt and, due to the ‘system’ unwittingly wreck the lives of their spouses and children. But what is the most pitiful is that these individuals who cling on to ‘their precious’ Judaism without openly questioning it. I aliken it to Stockholm syndrome. They live in a world where they will never be truly accepted for who they are in their essence and yet they cry that they are rejected and chastised. A world that can never accept them? Where is the love of God in this world? But they are so connected to this world and its customs and distorted ideas; a world where lying is perfectly acceptable, if not the norm. And of all the people who are homosexual and won’t admit it to others or even to themselves, I laud the honesty these men and women have to be honest about their sexual orientation. But their work is far from over. They continue to sit in the prison of religion and try and identify with their captors, in mortal fear that God will abandon them beyond the world of their rabbis and their customs. God had never abandoned us and he will never abandon us.

‘Carry back the ark of God into the city; if I shall find favour in the eyes of the LORD, He will bring me back, and show me both it, and His habitation; 26 but if He say thus: I have no delight in thee; behold, here am I, let Him do to me as seemeth good unto Him.’

We give our wholeselves to God and if we give ourselves wholeheartedly, he will accept us.

the ability to accept

22 Feb

I got some news that is going to disappoint my daughter today. Her disappointments are mine also. It’s not the first time she’s been rejected and my demons are hard at work. Oh, which ones?

‘You’re a useless mother’ demon – she was rejected because you didn’t raise her properly

‘It’s all your fault’ demon – the guilt trap is there, like a hole waiting to swallow me up.

‘what will be?’ demon. If my daughter isn’t accepted her, and continues to be rejected and feel unsucessful, then what will be with her? It’s a demon, just like the rest of them.

‘I want to protect my precious daughter’ demon. All mothers don’t want to see their kids go through pain and disappointment, even though this is an inevitable, even precious part of life’s processes. So that means I haven’t told her yet.


Ok so I have four demons haunting me just on one issue; an issue that in the long course of things is insignificant. Deep down inside, I am confident that my daughter will move on to better things.

So how do I defend myself from them? Well, first of all, I have to accept. No fighting (there are times to fight, I’m not saying otherwise but I feel that this is not one of them). God in his wisdom knows what is good for this child, and this opportunity was not for her good. Accept it in peace.

Then I have to realise, this is not personal. This is not anything to do with me. She did her best, I did my best. I had the tools that God gave me at the time that have lead me to where I am today.

Then I have to also be unafraid. Unafraid to face the truth, to tell the truth and to face up to a situation that isn’t as  comfortable as I’d like it to be. I’m not alone. He is with me.

God, give me the ability to accept. Give me the peace of mind to do what is right, without guilt, without fear. (Isiah 31:4)

כִּי כֹה אָמַר-יְהוָה אֵלַי כַּאֲשֶׁר יֶהְגֶּה הָאַרְיֵה וְהַכְּפִיר עַל-טַרְפּוֹ, אֲשֶׁר יִקָּרֵא עָלָיו מְלֹא רֹעִים, מִקּוֹלָם לֹא יֵחָת, וּמֵהֲמוֹנָם לֹא יַעֲנֶה; כֵּן, יֵרֵד יְהוָה צְבָאוֹת, לִצְבֹּא עַל-הַר-צִיּוֹן, וְעַל-גִּבְעָתָהּ.  ה כְּצִפֳּרִים עָפוֹת–כֵּן יָגֵן יְהוָה צְבָאוֹת, עַל-יְרוּשָׁלִָם; גָּנוֹן וְהִצִּיל, פָּסֹחַ וְהִמְלִיט. ו שׁוּבוּ, לַאֲשֶׁר הֶעְמִיקוּ סָרָה–בְּנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל..

4 For thus saith the LORD unto me: Like as the lion, or the young lion, growling over his prey, though a multitude of shepherds be called forth against him, will not be dismayed at their voice, nor abase himself for the noise of them; so will the LORD of hosts come down to fight upon mount Zion, and upon the hill thereof. 5 As birds hovering, so will the LORD of hosts protect Jerusalem; He will deliver it as He protecteth it, He will rescue it as He passeth over. 6 Turn ye unto Him against whom ye have deeply rebelled, O children of Israel.