My Precious Children

16 May

Except that they are not mine…. they are not my property to do with as I please and they are not existing for the some purpose of giving me nachas….they are the children of God, the same way I am and they were committed to me to be responsible for them until they are old enough to be responsible for themselves.

Perhaps the biggest weight that pulls me away from God is my parental guilt. I’m not doing enough, not being enough…not enough for these children of mine. I am subject to constant pangs in the heart where I feel perhaps I disappointed them, I allowed them to get hurt unnecessarily, or perhaps I put my needs before theirs?

The question I have to give back to God is that of whether this parental guilt is coming from a good or healthy place. Perhaps it’s easier to pull my hair out in guilt and blame rather than accept. No child has a perfect childhood and no parent can possibly give it to them. We are all deep down inside selfish individuals and God does not wish us to sacrifice so much of ourselves  that there is nothing left of us. So we are left with attempting to find a balance and accepting ourselves for what we can and cannot give. I pray to you, oh God to give me the insight to understand what I am responsible for and what I am not and to accept myself as I am as a parent, with all my deficits and faults. Hear and understand me in my desire to give in the right way and give them what they need. I am offering everything to you. For ultimately, you are the true Parent of these children. I got from Ezekiel 43:10

 אַתָּה בֶן-אָדָם הַגֵּד אֶת-בֵּית-יִשְׂרָאֵל אֶת-הַבַּיִת וְיִכָּלְמוּ מֵעֲו‍ֹנוֹתֵיהֶם וּמָדְדוּ אֶת-תָּכְנִית.  יא וְאִם-נִכְלְמוּ מִכֹּל אֲשֶׁר-עָשׂוּ צוּרַת הַבַּיִת וּתְכוּנָתוֹ וּמוֹצָאָיו וּמוֹבָאָיו וְכָל-צוּרֹתָו וְאֵת כָּל-חֻקֹּתָיו וְכָל-צוּרֹתָו וְכָל-תּוֹרֹתָו הוֹדַע אוֹתָם וּכְתֹב לְעֵינֵיהֶם וְיִשְׁמְרוּ אֶת-כָּל-צוּרָתוֹ וְאֶת-כָּל-חֻקֹּתָיו וְעָשׂוּ אוֹתָם.  י זֹאת תּוֹרַת הַבָּיִת  עַל-רֹאשׁ הָהָר כָּל-גְּבֻלוֹ סָבִיב סָבִיב קֹדֶשׁ קָדָשִׁים הִנֵּה-זֹאת תּוֹרַת הַבָּיִת.  

I understand from this that the antidote for fear, guilt and confusion (even if it stems from the ‘Holy of Holies’ ie. our desire to be ‘good’ parents) is boundaries. The temple is an illustration of very fixed boundaries and measurements, an idea of separateness and structure. 

Our lost boundaries are in the emotional realm and the only way to restore them is to turn back to God. And to teach our children who God really is.

 

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