Nothing like a war for you to lose your faith

18 Nov

I admit it, I’ve never been in a war before. The last war we had here was removed, so to speak. Also, stuck in my chareidi insulation, I didn’t watch or read the news, I disconnected myself from those ‘down South’ and also, the war was not like this one.

I am caught in a hamster wheel and I’m the little mouse, running scared. I switch on the TV, which incessantly broadcasts attack after attack, I listen to the radio and instantly know when there is a tzeva adom or I try to distract myself doing something just to while away the time while I wait.

Wait for what? For more news to bring me into a panic? For another endless loop conversation with a friend consisting of ‘what were you doing when the siren sounded on shabbat?’ or ‘who do you know who’s been called up?’ Yes this is all natural and normal, this is the stressful situation of war.

But hold on. I’m supposed to be connected. I’m supposed to understand who is ruling the world. I’m supposed to know that no government or army or even worse peace treaty can save us from this. This is God’s land, this is God’s war. Does my panic allow him to fight it? Do the demons I host of worrying, what-ifing, fretting and rationalizing help Him at all? Or have I simply recruited my own brand of Hamas to continue terrorism in my own head? I admit it publicly, I am a pathetic Godless coward. I cannot reassure my own children, let alone myself.

So I guess God has his Work cut out for Him. Not only does he have to protect and guide our precious chayalim, but he has to protect and guide the likes of me who, at the drop of a hat are liable to forget his imnipresence, his omnipotence, his endless wisdom and moreover his infinite love of the Jewish people.

 

God protect us all.

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4 Responses to “Nothing like a war for you to lose your faith”

  1. avraham benemanuel November 18, 2012 at 1:56 pm #

    God protect us all, especially from ourselves.

    • insearchofdivinity November 18, 2012 at 3:14 pm #

      amen

      • Eddie November 22, 2012 at 6:22 am #

        We’ll get there in the end. We can’t fail. As I understand it, God is leading us — Question only is how quickly will we learn the lessons God wants us to learn.

        Wishing peace to all.

  2. Eddie November 22, 2012 at 6:37 am #

    By the way…. Who says loosing your faith is bad? Perhaps loosing your faith is just letting go of the beliefs of your wider group identity… allowing you to live a more authentic life of your own true self. Without the beliefs of a group identity that you are ‘supposed to believe in’, perhaps you then become free to listen to your own God-given heart and soul telling you all you need to know.

    I admit, there is some anxiety leaving the security of being part of the group-think. The only thing is “the hardest thing to be, is someone else” (1). You have to be true to yourself.

    (1) Sorry, I can’t remember the source of this quote off the top of my head, but it isn’t mine.

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