there’s nobody home

29 Nov

Don’t you ever feel that there’s just nobody home? You build up hopes that people are, deep down, reasonable, kind, decent, broad-minded, forgiving, adaptable to new ideas and all of those other positive attributes and you put your trust in them based on these assumptions.

Alright, forget the ‘you’, I’m only going to talk about myself. Yes, I am guilty of the above. And yes, it’s like that same old record player caught on the same groove, I get disappointed. Not because I expect people to be perfect, but I just expect there to be someone home, someone who listens, someone who can relate to the wider picture of things and time and time again, I suffer disappointment. How can people behave like that?  How can they live their lives like that?

Today I felt like I was sitting in the abandoned lobby of some godforsaken hotel surrounded by  empty chairs. It was as if every person I knew or came into contact with me was devoid of that basic human spirit; of thought, connection and life. What, am I the only one waiting around here?

Then I must remember that I am never alone, and perhaps this loneliness is the only way God can bring me to that point of connection with him. God wants me to turn to him, just like one turns to the only other person there in the empty room.

Thank you God, for opening my eyes. It hurts like hell but I’d rather see things for as they are than lie to myself like those empty chairs.

 

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